betty3100's Blog

It's not easy being a T-girl or a transsexual woman.  Sadly, in today's 'enlightened' society, there is still a lot of rejection and ridicule we girls face.  One of my challenges that I'm dealing with right now is loneliness.  Being the T-woman that I know I am I know I want to date men, but I also have desires of late for big and beautiful women.

In my case, just being physically challenged is a detriment to the dating world.  Add to that the fact that I am who I am,being a transsexual woman and probably remain a non-operative woman, although not by choice, leaves me somewhere in no-man's land.  Straight men, understandably have no interest in T-girls, gay men want another man, which I will never be and most females want masculine men, something again, I will never be.

So, why did I transition, knowing that I faced these insurmountable challenges?  I simply HAD TO!  Knowing deep within my being that I no longer wanted to portray a fraudulent life, living in constant envy of the sex that I knew deep down I belonged to and wanted to join so I could live my life the way I NEEDED to.

Is it hard? YES!  Do I think I made the right decisions for myself, thus far?  YES!  Do I realize my loneliness and social situation is partly myy own making?  YES!

Is it ALL worth it?  YES! YES! YES!
 

As I wrote somewhere on Experience Project a short while ago, I am becoming more and more interested in befriending Big and Beautiful women.  Now, it is true that I have an interest in being with both sexes.  But as of late my interests have shifted towards BBW's for some strange reason.  There's no doubt that if a sexy guy asked me to go out on a romantic dinner date I would accept in a heartbeat, and I would probably be out shopping for a nice romantic dress to wear.

There are obstacles to dating anyone for me.  First, I am physically challenged with Cerebral Palsy.  For the last several years, I have been confined to my electric wheelchair and can no longer stand for very long, let alone walk.  So, getting in and out of someone's vehicle would be difficult at best.  Another accessory of my Cerebral Palsy is lack of fine motor coordination.  So, if we were to go anywhere to eat, well then most likely whomever my date would have to help me eat, or a.k.a FEED ME!  Oh, how romantic and attractive...to feed your date!!!

Probably the most unattractive obstacle in seeking women and some men is the way I live.  You see, I was also born with Gender Identity Disorder.  What this basically means is that I was born a male, but ever since I was six years old I felt and believed I was more of a girl than a boy.  For several years I have been "cross-living" or I have transitioned from male to female.  My body has been somewhat altered, in that I have developed my breasts which I LOVE!   I love being able to live as my true self.

One may ask why am I interested in women if I feel and live as described above.  Sadly, I believe what most people are seeking in today's dating scene is a sex partner.  That's all well and good, but that's not MY primary goal in seeking any relationship.  I feel that I need affection much, much more than sex.  In fact honestly, I believe that part of my life is over. 

So, I really wonder - who will even want to be with me?  Still, I am VERY, VERY LONELY in this world!